Being non-forgiving means to not let go. It means to continue to strike your self with the same traumatic experience over and over again while the person who caused such damage might not even be thinking about it.
Welcome to the real world.
Unfortunately, life is not a soap opera or movie were your partner hurts you today and tomorrow comes back repented saying sorry. Or were revenge is the justice that always wins to make things right and relieve emotional pain.
In real life, people don’t always comeback to say sorry and the only justice that has a positive outcome is learning how to forgive.
We do it not because we feel good about it, but because we know it is correct.
We do it not because that person deserves it, but because we have the human quality to do so.
Many believe the best choice is revenge and that it comes with a certain satisfaction.
But even if you achieve revenge for whatever caused your suffering, in the end, the memories remain and you will still have to learn how to live with it unless you learn how to forgive.
Revenge just worsens the situation because it always involves more and more people to have something against each other. You might be offending the other persons family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, society, etc, and they become a part of the scenario as well.
It forms a chain reaction that needs forgiveness to be discontinued.
Gandhi said: “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”
So the best solution is to always forgive under the right conditions.
What are those right conditions?
When person who caused such damage cannot or is incapable of producing them again.
This is when:
That person has repented from what they have done and has promised not to do it again.
That person has past away
That person is lives very far away
What is example of a wrong condition?
Imagine you had a theft or homicide who comes into your house to steal everything and kidnap your kids. In that specific moment, would you say “I am sorry for what you are doing”? Of course not, nobody would.
Now what would happen if that same person can no longer cause you any harm because of one of the three conditions mentioned above? Then the best choice is to forgive. Not because it is an obligation, but because it is mentally healthy for us to do so. It helps us let go of those traumatic experiences and be free.
However, forgiveness has the power to make things right, but not perfect. After someone lets us down, things might not be the same because whats in the past, stays in the past. From the time we forgive and on, we might have a new and natural sense of precaution to this person because of what we have experienced.
That is why many might say “forgive is easy to say, but hard to put into practice.” I have to admit that I am one them. But reality leaves us no choice but to accept. If we want things to end up in positive and peaceful manner, the only choice we have is to forgive.
If we choose to strike back, then you will have a never ending cycle of you hurt me so I hurt you from both parties. If peace is desired (which is what all normal human beings want) someone is going to have to take the first step.
If we choose to stay neutral, then our problem grows. This is because time does not heal all wounds, it makes them swollen. Without forgiveness, our resentment grows. The only person who we continue to hurt is ourselves while the other might not be thinking about it or might not even be alive.
If we choose to forgive, then the results would be better then to strike back or to stay neutral. We are left with better mental peace and learn how to move on with our lives.